Heart Leader

Emotional Intelligence (EI)

According to Wikipedia, Emotional Intelligence (EI) describes the ability, capacity, skill or, in the case of the trait EI model, a self-perceived ability, to identify, assess, and manage the emotions of one’s self, of others, and of groups.

While EI has deep historical roots dating back to Darwin’s work, it has become more common in the business landscape over the past several years because now, more than ever, understanding the human condition and why we think, feel, and act the way we do has become an important piece to operating a successful business and creating a happy and productive corporate culture.

Thoughts, feelings, actions/behaviors, and results represent my view of the emotional intelligence continuum. What I mean by this is that thoughts lead to feelings, which then lead to actions/behaviors, and ultimately to results. This the step by step path that human beings take many times every day.

The thoughts and feelings we have cannot be controlled, but the actions/behaviors and results from those behaviors can. For example, imagine being at work and a co-worker speaks to you in a way that you find insulting. This immediately leads to anger and resentment, which causes you to fire back, file a complaint with HR or even worse, resort to physical action. The result is that you and your co-worker have become contentious at work and may even be penalized with disciplinary action.

Now what if just as our co-worker was speaking to you, a voice whispered in your ear that he/she had a chemotherapy treatment later in the day, and really had no awareness or ill intentions in the way he spoke to you? Do your actions/behaviors change because you have this information? You now have a heightened awareness of your co-worker and you may choose different actions/behaviors which produce more positive results. Thus, a change in your awareness made a huge difference in the outcome.

People are imperfect and as a result, they make missteps. Even if your emotional intelligence is high, you will experience low awareness from time to time resulting in actions/behaviors and results that fall below your expectations. It is key to understand when the EI bell goes off in your head as timing is a key component to relational success.

There are three areas of time discovery in EI. The first is before negative actions/behaviors occur. The second is during the episode where negative actions/behaviors take place. The final stage is the results.
The before stage requires a deep understanding of who and what triggers your negative actions/behaviors. Once you are aware of these defaults, you can watch for them and create a heightened sensitivity to their presence. When you see the first sign of their existence, you can use your awareness to sidestep the default that can derail your behavior.

The during stage requires you to become aware of your negative actions/behaviors while the event is in progress. Once that awareness is realized, you can adjust your actions/behaviors during the episode and then achieve the goal of positive behavioral results.

The after stage is the most painful stage because the damage has already been done. However, it is never too late to analyze the errors of your ways and ask for forgiveness. This is also an opportunity to learn a lesson in what trigger you missed so that you can better recognize it the next time.

Here are some tips and advice that human resource executives can implement to build emotional intelligence at their company:

•Encourage employees to always give the benefit of the doubt regarding the other persons’ (co-worker, customer, vendor etc.) behavior or attitude.
•Encourage employees to raise their awareness of what they say and do and how it affects the people they are saying and doing it to.
•Encourage employees to ask for forgiveness if and when their actions/behaviors are inappropriate.
•Ensure that employees understand what they did and how they missed being aware of their behavior before it created a negative result.
•Bring emotional intelligence experts into the workplace to train and work with the employees on improving their EI and thus their positive impact on their co-workers, clients, vendors, etc.
In the end, I believe EI boils down to giving the people we come in contact with the benefit of the doubt. We don’t know what the other person’s personal experiences or triggers are. Nor do we know what they are thinking or feeling. Thus, the more awareness and grace we can give to them, the greater our ability to control our actions/behaviors and the results. It comes to knowing thy self and being aware of what we say and do and how that affects the people we are saying and doing it to.

Thank you for reading my blog.

If you like what you read, please ask your friends and family to log on to http://www.heartleader.com and encourage them to sign up for my free weekly blog.

You can learn more about me on my web site at http://www.darylwizelman.com

My book, Heart Leader, can be purchased by clicking the link below.

http://www.bookmasters.com/marktplc/02877.htm

Daryl

I am in my mid-40’s and more and more I am hearing from friends and family about illness and death among people in my age group.  Am I getting to “that” age where it is “normal” for some of my peers to get sick and in some cases die?   During the past few months I have lost several friends and several others are suffering through illness.  All of this doesn’t take into account all of those suffering financially through this rough economic period.  I find myself much more contemplative and reflective lately… 

I am taking stock in my health and the health of those I love.  I am being mindful to be of service to those I love and those who I know who are in pain.  I am trying to live everyday to its fullest and to be grateful for all of the blessings in my life. I am trying to eat right and exercise to improve my odds of living a long and healthy life.

I ask myself if I am grateful enough?  Am I giving enough?  Am I too selfish?  Am I fulfilling my purpose in life?  Am I serving enough?  How can I be and do more?  Who can I help or influence that I haven’t yet?

I remind myself everyday that life is short and we don’t know how much time we have nor do we know how much time we have with the people we love. 

Action plan: Do something that increases the odds of you living a long and happy life.  It can be emotional and/or physical.  Some suggestions include, taking more time to reflect, taking more time for the things you want to do and to be with the people you want to spend time with, serving others, reading, exercising, dieting, taking time off from work, going on a weekend trip with your friends etc…

Try to find happiness and peace and enjoy your life!

Thank you for reading my blog.

If you like what you read, please ask your friends and family to log on to http://www.heartleader.com and encourage them to sign up for my free weekly blog.

You can learn more about me on my web site at http://www.darylwizelman.com

My book, Heart Leader, can be purchased by clicking the link below.

http://www.bookmasters.com/marktplc/02877.htm

Daryl

My partner, Randy, and I built United Pacific Mortgage (UPM) from a very small broker shop to a mid-sized regional retail mortgage banking operation during 17 years of hard work,good timing, taking advantage of some great opportunities, passing on some poor opportunities. We benefited by experiencing some good luck and some years where the real estate market in Southern California was growing and the demand out paced the supply.

I started at UPM in my mid-twenties and grew as a leader, manager and as a man. I am grateful and fortunate for the experience and UPM will always fill my heart with positive memories and the value of countless lessons on improving in many different areas of my life.

UPM was acquired in July 2007 and the credit crisis followed shortly thereafter. I needed a break from mortgage banking and over the past three years I have had another emotional growth spurt. I also had time to write and publish my book, Heart Leader, and to speak to many people around the country on work/life balance, corporate culture, emotional intelligence and many other topics. It has been an amazing journey.

Now it is time to return to the mortgage business. I have discovered a renewed passion and tremendous interest in recreating an amazing retail loan origination machine within a loving and dynamic corporate culture. This new opportunity will begin in July, almost three years to the date that UPM was acquired. I believe the timing is right and there are a lot of loan officers and support people who want to be with a company that really cares about them and their families.

That being said, I am also very passionate about www.darylwizelman.com and Heart Leader.  I assure you that I will continue the movement I started and I will speak to, inspire and teach every person I can in hopes of improving their lives and/or their careers.  This will never change and the journey is just at the first furlong.

Action plan: My return to mortgage banking got me thinking about challenging the readers of the Heart Leader blog to look into the past and to reflect and discover if there is something that you worked on, a job you had, a company you worked for, a career you pursued or a relationship that you had in the past that you would like to revisit and learn if the interest that was once there is still there.  I hope you will do that and I hope you tell me all about it.

Sometimes taking one step backwards enables you to take two steps forward.

Thank you for reading my blog.

If you like what you read, please ask your friends and family to log on to http://www.heartleader.com and encourage them to sign up for my free weekly blog.

You can learn more about me on my web site at http://www.darylwizelman.com

My book, Heart Leader, can be purchased by clicking the link below.

http://www.bookmasters.com/marktplc/02877.htm

Daryl

I am not a religious man however I am very spiritual.   For many years I have had the Serenity Prayer pinned to my bulletin board in my office reminding me to have faith in myself and to remind me of my limits when frustration, fear and/or anxiety enter my life.  Today I called upon the Serenity Prayer and I decided to share it with you.

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And the wisdom to know the difference.

In my experience as a leader of employees, my kids, managers and others I have used this prayer to help me manage self-awareness and grace as it relates to myself and others.  There is a lot of value in taking a breath while we are under stress and/or anxious about a situation.  Time to reflect and a calm heart and mind help making even the most difficult decisions easier and with a greater sense of confidence.

Happy Holidays!

Daryl Wizelman
daryl@wizelman.com
www.darylwizelman.com

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays of the year because it has so many of us thinking about gratitude and appreciation.  What would the world be like if we felt and expressed gratitude and appreciation every day?  I refer to this as “The Thanksgiving Mindset.”  Simply explained through being kind, showing gratitude and being appreciative for all of the amazing people and opportunities we have in our lives.

Life is very busy and we are all juggling a million balls.  Sometimes it is easy to forget to say “thank you” or “I love you.”  If we adopt the Thanksgiving Mindset, we can further a movement of making our world a kinder and more grateful world through our words and actions.  I believe that this can be spread from person to person and eventually can change our culture and the way we think and interact.  I agree that this seems like a lofty goal.  But where is the harm in each one of us trying to be kinder and more grateful?  Each one of us has so much to give!

A few questions I ask myself?

1.   Do I take enough time to reflect on who and what is most important to me?
2.   Do I express gratitude for the large and small blessings in my life?
3.   Do I express gratitude to the people who I love and manage/lead?
4.   Do I appreciate and show gratitude for the little things in life that people do for me?
5.   Do I consider others?
6.   On a daily basis I ask myself, have I done the most to maximize The Thanksgiving Mindset in every situation I was in today?

I hope this blog and the entries that will follow will inspire thought and action.

Happy Thanksgiving.