For 21 years my mom had a boyfriend named Ralph Stein. Rotten Ralph to his friends and family. He lived with my mom, my twin brothers and I. Ralph was a Brooklyn boy who didn’t make it beyond a middle school education. He had a rough exterior but a warm and loving heart. He was also diagnosed with type I diabetes at age 40. Over a 10+ year period diabetes took Ralph’s eye sight, his teeth, one of his legs to the knee and eventually his life.

The reason I tell you about Rotten Ralph is because I learned a lot about diabetes in the years he lived with my mom, my two brothers and I.   Ralph’s life and his tragic death has served as a reminder about the need for good emotional and physical health. 

We are living in hard times.  There is a great need for us to take care of ourselves so we can be of service to others.  This includes taking some time to do the things we enjoy doing and it includes eating right and exercising.

As we enter the holiday season, I hope this blog serves as a reminder that we all have a lot to be thankful for but it always starts with us.  We must be mindful of taking care and protecting ourselves.  This includes our emotional health and our physical health.

Action Plan: Lower your stress through doing a little more for yourself during the holiday season.  In addition focus some effort on eating a healthy diet and exercising as often as you can.

Thank you for reading my blog.

If you like what you read, please ask your friends and family to log on to http://www.heartleader.com and encourage them to sign up for my free weekly blog.

You can learn more about me on my web site at http://www.darylwizelman.com

My book, Heart Leader, can be purchased by clicking the link below.

http://www.bookmasters.com/marktplc/02877.htm

Daryl

The venue is essential to get the most out of your reflection time. Some examples of good places for reflection include the beach, a lake, the mountains, a park, a quiet room where you live or during an activity that you enjoy. I do a lot of my reflecting during my daily work outs. I have 2 hours each morning from 4:45am – 6:45am where I am alone working out in a small gym in my house.  I am able to take that time and think deeply about my life and how I can grow and improve in each important area of my life.  Some days my reflection time is spent thinking about something superficial like what needs to be accomplished that day.  Other days I am reflecting on big decisions I am facing and weighing the positives and negatives of the decision. 

As I wrote about above, my day to day reflection is done in the gym.  Once each year I take an entire day away from business and life and I write  a life plan.  The life plan is a business plan for your life.  Here are the basic steps to create a life plan;

1. Create a list of the 6-8 most important areas of your life.  These are called accounts.  Some of your accounts may be include; health, spouse, children, career, family, hobbies.  List them in order of importance with the most important account being first.

2. Honestly assess each of the accounts.  Write down your thoughts and feelings on what is working and what isn’t in each account.  This requires you to be honest with yourself and this can be very difficult.  All change comes through the truth.  You must be willing to tell the truth.  Be honest with yourself and you can create the change you are looking for.

3. Write a purpose for each of your accounts.  Why is that account important to you?

4. Create a 1, 5, 10 and 20 year vision of what you ideally would like each account to look like in 1, 5, 10 and 20 years.  This is how the account would look like if your plan for that account turned out perfect or the way you envision it.

5. Write specific action plans on how you will get each account from where you have  currently assessed it to where you would ideally like to see the account progress to.  There is a gap that must be bridged.  Some of these actions plans will be small and easy to accomplish and others will be large and difficult.  Do the work to improve the accounts you see value in.  What can you do improve the quality of each account that you have labeled as the most important areas of your life?

Action plan:  I have two action plans for you today.  The first is to intentionally schedule some time each week (30-60 minutes at least) for reflection.  Buy a journal and use it to record your reflection sessions.  The second action plan is write a life plan. 

Thank you for reading my blog.

If you like what you read, please ask your friends and family to log on to http://www.heartleader.com and encourage them to sign up for my free weekly blog.

You can learn more about me on my web site at http://www.darylwizelman.com

My book, Heart Leader, can be purchased by clicking the link below.

http://www.bookmasters.com/marktplc/02877.htm

Daryl

Emotional Intelligence (EI)

According to Wikipedia, Emotional Intelligence (EI) describes the ability, capacity, skill or, in the case of the trait EI model, a self-perceived ability, to identify, assess, and manage the emotions of one’s self, of others, and of groups.

While EI has deep historical roots dating back to Darwin’s work, it has become more common in the business landscape over the past several years because now, more than ever, understanding the human condition and why we think, feel, and act the way we do has become an important piece to operating a successful business and creating a happy and productive corporate culture.

Thoughts, feelings, actions/behaviors, and results represent my view of the emotional intelligence continuum. What I mean by this is that thoughts lead to feelings, which then lead to actions/behaviors, and ultimately to results. This the step by step path that human beings take many times every day.

The thoughts and feelings we have cannot be controlled, but the actions/behaviors and results from those behaviors can. For example, imagine being at work and a co-worker speaks to you in a way that you find insulting. This immediately leads to anger and resentment, which causes you to fire back, file a complaint with HR or even worse, resort to physical action. The result is that you and your co-worker have become contentious at work and may even be penalized with disciplinary action.

Now what if just as our co-worker was speaking to you, a voice whispered in your ear that he/she had a chemotherapy treatment later in the day, and really had no awareness or ill intentions in the way he spoke to you? Do your actions/behaviors change because you have this information? You now have a heightened awareness of your co-worker and you may choose different actions/behaviors which produce more positive results. Thus, a change in your awareness made a huge difference in the outcome.

People are imperfect and as a result, they make missteps. Even if your emotional intelligence is high, you will experience low awareness from time to time resulting in actions/behaviors and results that fall below your expectations. It is key to understand when the EI bell goes off in your head as timing is a key component to relational success.

There are three areas of time discovery in EI. The first is before negative actions/behaviors occur. The second is during the episode where negative actions/behaviors take place. The final stage is the results.
The before stage requires a deep understanding of who and what triggers your negative actions/behaviors. Once you are aware of these defaults, you can watch for them and create a heightened sensitivity to their presence. When you see the first sign of their existence, you can use your awareness to sidestep the default that can derail your behavior.

The during stage requires you to become aware of your negative actions/behaviors while the event is in progress. Once that awareness is realized, you can adjust your actions/behaviors during the episode and then achieve the goal of positive behavioral results.

The after stage is the most painful stage because the damage has already been done. However, it is never too late to analyze the errors of your ways and ask for forgiveness. This is also an opportunity to learn a lesson in what trigger you missed so that you can better recognize it the next time.

Here are some tips and advice that human resource executives can implement to build emotional intelligence at their company:

•Encourage employees to always give the benefit of the doubt regarding the other persons’ (co-worker, customer, vendor etc.) behavior or attitude.
•Encourage employees to raise their awareness of what they say and do and how it affects the people they are saying and doing it to.
•Encourage employees to ask for forgiveness if and when their actions/behaviors are inappropriate.
•Ensure that employees understand what they did and how they missed being aware of their behavior before it created a negative result.
•Bring emotional intelligence experts into the workplace to train and work with the employees on improving their EI and thus their positive impact on their co-workers, clients, vendors, etc.
In the end, I believe EI boils down to giving the people we come in contact with the benefit of the doubt. We don’t know what the other person’s personal experiences or triggers are. Nor do we know what they are thinking or feeling. Thus, the more awareness and grace we can give to them, the greater our ability to control our actions/behaviors and the results. It comes to knowing thy self and being aware of what we say and do and how that affects the people we are saying and doing it to.

Thank you for reading my blog.

If you like what you read, please ask your friends and family to log on to http://www.heartleader.com and encourage them to sign up for my free weekly blog.

You can learn more about me on my web site at http://www.darylwizelman.com

My book, Heart Leader, can be purchased by clicking the link below.

http://www.bookmasters.com/marktplc/02877.htm

Daryl

I am taking stock in my health and the health of those I love.  I am being mindful to be of service to those I love and those who I know who are in pain.  I am trying to live everyday to its fullest and to be grateful for all of the blessings in my life. I am trying to eat right and exercise to improve my odds of living a long and healthy life.

I ask myself if I am grateful enough?  Am I giving enough?  Am I too selfish?  Am I fulfilling my purpose in life?  Am I serving enough?  How can I be and do more?  Who can I help or influence that I haven’t yet?

I remind myself everyday that life is short and we don’t know how much time we have nor do we know how much time we have with the people we love. 

Action plan: Do something that increases the odds of you living a long and happy life.  It can be emotional and/or physical.  Some suggestions include, taking more time to reflect, taking more time for the things you want to do and to be with the people you want to spend time with, serving others, reading, exercising, dieting, taking time off from work, going on a weekend trip with your friends etc…

Try to find happiness and peace and enjoy your life!

Thank you for reading my blog.

If you like what you read, please ask your friends and family to log on to http://www.heartleader.com and encourage them to sign up for my free weekly blog.

You can learn more about me on my web site at http://www.darylwizelman.com

My book, Heart Leader, can be purchased by clicking the link below.

http://www.bookmasters.com/marktplc/02877.htm

Daryl

We are faced with many opportunities. A true talent is when a person knows how to effectively and efficiently distinguish the good opportunities from the bad. There is still a greater talent in recognizing the difference between a good opportunity and a GREAT opportunity. The great opportunities come around very infrequently. Are you proficient at knowing what the opportunity is right or wrong?  Are you proficient at knowing when the opportunity is good or great?

Be aware and careful not to over-prepare. It is possible to spend too much time analyzing each opportunity/decision/choice. This can lead to paralysis by analysis meaning that too time much is invested and a reason is eventually found not to make a decision or to pass on what ends up being a right or great opportunity.  Are you an over-preparer?

Action plan: Take some time to reflect and write about what opportunities or choices you are facing today?  Listen to your gut.  Don’t over-prepare.  Make the best choice for you.  Be happy.

Thank you for reading my blog.

If you like what you read, please ask your friends and family to log on to http://www.heartleader.com and encourage them to sign up for my free weekly blog.

You can learn more about me on my web site at http://www.darylwizelman.com

My book, Heart Leader, can be purchased by clicking the link below.

http://www.bookmasters.com/marktplc/02877.htm

Daryl ]]> http://www.heartleader.com/2010/08/when-it-feels-right/feed/ 0 http://www.heartleader.com/2010/08/brotherly-love/ http://www.heartleader.com/2010/08/brotherly-love/#comments Wed, 04 Aug 2010 16:16:44 +0000 admin http://www.heartleader.com/?p=741 I am blessed to have 2 brother's that I have been very close with our entire lives. They are identical twins three years younger than me (they are 41). My brother Jason lives in Park Slope (Brooklyn) in New York and with families and careers is has been challenging to spend a lot of time together during the past 15+ years. Jason's wife & 2 kids are out of the country for a few weeks visiting friends and relatives. Jason invited my brother Randy and I to come to NYC for a long weekend. That "brothers weekend" happened this past weekend. To say the least, it was magical. The last time the three of us were together for a "brothers weekend" was in 1994. This reunion was way overdue.

]]>  I am blessed to have 2 brother’s that I have been very close with our entire lives.  They are identical twins three years younger than me (they are 41).  My brother Jason lives in Park Slope (Brooklyn) in New York and with families and careers is has been challenging to spend a lot of time together during the past 15+ years.   Jason’s wife & 2 kids are out of the country for a few weeks visiting friends and relatives.  Jason invited my brother Randy and I to come to NYC for a long weekend.  That “brothers weekend” happened this past weekend.  To say the least, it was magical.  The last time the three of us were together for a “brothers weekend” was in 1994.  This reunion was way overdue.

My brother Jason created a mixed CD of over 100 songs that has served as the back drop to our lives.  He played the music for Randy and I throughout the weekend.  These songs depicted our lives as kids, adolescents, young adults and adults.  The music spans songs that were recorded over the past 40+ years.  Every song created emotion in each of us.  Sometimes sad, other times happy and often we could perfectly match up the song with a memory of exactly where we were and/or who we were with.  Music can be so powerful and this gift Jason created for Randy and I is priceless.

The three of us laughed, toured NYC, spent time on Governors Island, in Central Park (where we played catch) and we took in a Mets baseball game at Citi Field.  We ate a lot of pizza (Totonno’s & Grimaldi’s are my NY favorites) and mixed in some burgers and fries from the Shake Shack.  But most of our time was spent sharing our deep feelings for one another and for expressing gratitude for the relationship we have and the power of our connection.

As I write this I have been back in Los Angeles for three days.  I am feeling a bit of sadness and depression because I don’t know when the next “brothers weekend” will be.  I am also feeling tremendous happiness as I continuously recall the memories we created together last weekend that will be a part of my life forever.

Action plan: Today’s action plan is simple but powerful beyond measure.  It is an action plan based in reconnection.  Is there someone or more than one person that you should reconnect with?  Is it a lunch or dinner or a weekend that is needed?  Is it your spouse, kids, parents, siblings or friends that you need to find that reconnection with?  Pick up the phone TODAY and call them.  Tell them you miss them and that you would like to reconnect.  I remind myself often and as I remind you today, life is short and very precious.  Don’t waste any time.  We don’t know how much we have…

Thank you for reading my blog.

If you like what you read, please ask your friends and family to log on to http://www.heartleader.com and encourage them to sign up for my free weekly blog.

You can learn more about me on my web site at http://www.darylwizelman.com

My book, Heart Leader, can be purchased by clicking the link below.

http://www.bookmasters.com/marktplc/02877.htm

Daryl

As a result of the credit collapse and mortgage implosion of the past few years, the government has mandated that all mortgage loan originators take 2 new tests.  One is a state test and the other is a federal test.  I am very proud to say that I took and passed both tests.  I studied very hard and questioned my ability to pass these tests for weeks leading up to the test dates.  But that isn’t the point of this blog.  This blog is about challenging yourself to be successful at something that is outside of your comfort zone.

 Many of us concentrate our time and energy in areas where we have some level of aptitude.   For many of us years have gone by since we attempted to become proficient at something new.  I am not suggesting we try and become cardio-vascular surgeons.  I am suggesting we try a new activity, learn a new language, learn to play an instrument or begin a new hobby that is challenging physically and/or emotionally.  Is there something you have been thinking about trying but you haven’t for fear of failure?  Do you think it will be too difficult?

Action plan: Take the next 30 days to reflect on what you would like to do that you haven’t done before.  Something that would be interesting and challenging for you.  Take the following 30 days to chart your vision and action plans to move the vision into action.

In my case I was forced to face this daunting challenge.  I didn’t volunteer and I probably wouldn’t have volunteered.  It takes a lot of courage to begin something challenging that we aren’t good at.   I passed the tests and now I am reflecting on my next new challenge…

Thank you for reading my blog.

If you like what you read, please ask your friends and family to log on to http://www.heartleader.com and encourage them to sign up for my free weekly blog.

You can learn more about me on my web site at http://www.darylwizelman.com

My book, Heart Leader, can be purchased by clicking the link below.

http://www.bookmasters.com/marktplc/02877.htm

Daryl

The greatest ally for me has been the concept of social awareness.  Being aware of what I say and do and how it effects other people has helped me to neutralize my outward behavior and gain a greater awareness and grace for those who suffer with ADD as I do.  There are a lot of positives that have come from my life with ADD.  I understand what ADD afflicted people are thinking and feeling and that enters me into a club.  The club is an opportunity for me to help others and ask others for help.  Just like people with any other affliction, we need understanding people around us who suffer the same ills we do.

There are also a lot of valuable lessons I have leaned from life with ADD.  One of the lessons is to try and restrict my judgement on other peoples outward behavior.  Their behavior may be a result of illness and not intention.  Another lesson is to listen to people’s story and learn about their life in hopes of connecting.  Connecting and understanding one another’s “story” allows us to relate on a deeper and more meaningful level.

Action Plan: We all suffer from some deficiency or another.  The action plan this week is simple.  Be empathetic and aware of other people and what they may be facing.  Try to judge less and love more.

Thank you for reading my blog.

If you like what you read, please ask your friends and family to log on to http://www.heartleader.com and encourage them to sign up for my free weekly blog.

You can learn more about me on my web site at http://www.darylwizelman.com

My book, Heart Leader, can be purchased by clicking the link below.

http://www.bookmasters.com/marktplc/02877.htm

Daryl

For 28 years Rene has treated me like a son. She has been a second mother to me. She has celebrated my life’s victories and walked beside me through my challenges. At times she has had more confidence in me then I had in myself.  She is an amazing and beautiful person!  She is an amazing mother and grandmother.

Rene never judges me, she accepts me for who I am and she has been one of my greatest advocates for almost 30 years.  I have never heard Rene say a bad word about anyone and I have heard her use profanity only a few times in 28 years.  She is quiet and steady.  Rene is a role model in a time where there are so few.  She is a saint and a living legend.

Now Rene is 78 and with age comes some challenges.  That being said, when we are together she is present, loving, graceful and a great listener.  She is a beautiful person and she has shaped my life in so many ways. 

We never know how much time we have with the people we love. The purpose of today’s blog is to express my love for Rene in a public forum and to thank her for the love, support, confidence and loyalty she has shown me consistently for 28 years.

Action plan: Today is an opportunity for all of us to show our gratitude and love for people who have made an enormous positive impact on our lives.  My suggestion is to write them a hand written note, call them and tell them about the positive impact they have had on you or take them on a walk or out to a meal and look into their eyes and tell them how much of a difference maker they have been for you. 

Thank you for reading my blog.

If you like what you read, please ask your friends and family to log on to http://www.heartleader.com and encourage them to sign up for my free weekly blog.

You can learn more about me on my web site at http://www.darylwizelman.com

My book, Heart Leader, can be purchased by clicking the link below.

http://www.bookmasters.com/marktplc/02877.htm

Daryl

For some people, they look so deep into the potential opportunity that they avoid the risk because they find something that scares or alerts them of  possible issues or problems.  If we look too deeply into almost every opportunity, we may pass on the opportunity.  There is always going to the good, the bad and the ugly to every opportunity.  Does the good outweigh the bad?  Does this opportunity feed into our passion and purpose? 

Like deep relationships, it often takes years to fully realize the value of opportunities we act on.   We must be patient and wait to judge the value of the opportunity and the corresponding risk until enough time and experience has passed where we can make a fair and informed decision to stay on the path or go another direction.

 Action Plan: Today’s action plan is two fold,

1. Reflect on opportunities that you passed on which posed to much risk in your personal or professional life and re-evaluate those risks.  Did you pass on an opportunity that you should have taken advantage of?  Is it possible to revisit that opportunity and move forward.

2. Reflect on if you over prepare and over analyze every opportunity and potential risk to the point of passing too often on opportunities you should be moving forward with.

Where is your risk tolerance?

Thank you for reading my blog.

If you like what you read, please ask your friends and family to log on to http://www.heartleader.com and encourage them to sign up for my free weekly blog.

You can learn more about me on my web site at http://www.darylwizelman.com

My book, Heart Leader, can be purchased by clicking the link below.

http://www.bookmasters.com/marktplc/02877.htm

Daryl